Life is Lovelier with Lace. . . And the Un-Happy Mother’s Day

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: Such pain, it was.

Hummer: What pain are you talking about? You’ve had everything from Swimmer’s Ear pain to back pain to multiple types of surgery recovery pain. Which are you referring to?

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: None of those. Although each one you mentioned – and even more – was very painful. The pain I am speaking of is the pain of infertility.

Hummer: Oh, yes. You had heartbreaking pain. I remember.

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: I had it then. I have it now. And I am quite certain I will have it in the future.

Hummer: What can you mean? Infertility is long gone, for you. You’re old now! You aren’t hoping to conceive still?

Ludvigson Lace Lady: Of course not! I had a hysterectomy, you know!

Hummer: Oh, yes. I forgot! And you were rather young for that type of surgery!

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: I sure was! In my 30’s. But I was ready for a uterus removal, nonetheless! Such pain! Endometriosis pain!

Hummer: No details, please. It was a gory period of time, I do recall. And rather regular!

Ludvigson Lace Lady: Yes! Every three weeks. Terrible abdominal pain and blood loss. Delirious. I would venture to say, it was similar to labor pain! Only no baby to hold, in the end. A monthly miscarriage.

Hummer: That must have been unbearable.

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: I am thankful to be done with it. There is a time when a hysterectomy is necessary.

Hummer: That’s for sure.

Ludvigson Lace Lady: But the pain of Endometriosis was small compared to the pain of infertility, which accompanies it!

Hummer: Really?

Ludvigson Lace Lady: Yes. And I remember my frustration when researching Endometriosis back in the ’80’s, that the cure for it the Big E, as I called it, was to get pregnant.

Hummer: You mean the Big E’s cure is pregnancy; and the Big E causes infertility, meaning pregnancy won’t happen? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Ludvigson Lace Lady: I sure thought so! And it was like pouring salt on my wound.

Hummer: So with the infertility struggle, you experienced physical and emotional pain, simultaneously?

Ludvigson Lace Lady: Exactly. And, those baby showers reigned weekly, in those youthful years! Devastating, to say the least. But I tried to remember to live by the scriptural truth, weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice.

Hummer: That was a difficult time for sure.

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: And as I was then spending more time collecting energy to rejoice through an aching infertile heart, now in my later years of life, I find myself weeping with those infertile, who are weeping as I had been. My painful memories have not faded. They are as real today as they were in the day of the experience.

Hummer: I suppose the soon coming Mother’s Day celebration might be a time when tender memories reemmerge?

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: Yes. My heart feels a double portion of the bittersweet. For God has truly blessed me to be a mother of four adopted boys. But for those young ladies who are empty-armed on Mother’s Day, my heart still breaks. I remember the pain. I grieve afresh with them.

Hummer: Mother’s Day. It is right and good to spend time honoring mothers. This we should do, for sure.

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: But also include those who are wanting to be mothers, but are not. Yet.

Hummer: Yes! So easily accomplished! A rose can be given to the infertile, waiting woman along with the fertile mom holding multiple babes. This would be in the typical Sunday church service.

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Ludvigson Lace Lady: That is the best way to handle Mother’s Day Sundays. A floral bouquet can be an encouragement for both fertile and infertile ladies als

God never wastes the painful experienes of life. And that is true with infertility. And He has not wasted the pain I felt. I truly weep with those who weep on Mother’s Day.

Hummer: And I am glad you do. I know it encourages the others who are weeping. And God’s comfort flows through you to them. It’s God’s way.

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Life is Lovelier with Lace…

This is so true. I suffered, so that I can share in the suffering of others. And in doing so, the suffering ones are encouraged. And that is good.

While crocheting lace, I do my best to bring these desperate feelings to the Lord. The threads and my hook are intertwined in prayer! And that is a lovely thing! Producing a lovely thing!

Enjoy my lacey items in my shop! And please know that with every stitch, my heart understands and prays for the infertile ladies. Especially on Mother’s Day.

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Weeping with my precious weepers,

Debbie Ludvigson

Ludvigson Lace Lady

LUDVIGSON LACE ♡ Aftcra

A portion of LUDVIGSON LACE proceeds will be donated to Lila Rose/Live Action, in defense of Life: http://www.liveaction.org

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Life is Lovelier With Lace. . . And the Deer in the Headlights!

 

FB_IMG_1504208202363“Oh my! August is almost done!”

Time was flying for the Ludvigson Lace Lady!

“They say that happens as you get older.”

And that is true. The month of August was filled with activity. But she can’t recall anything majorly earthshaking.

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“At least for Tim and me!”

Earthshaking for our country? Yes! First there was devastation in Charlottesville, Virginia. And now we are into the midst of Hurricane Harvey!

“Our prayers have been focused on our county’s needs, for sure.”

But the Ludvigson Lace Lady and Tim, needless to say, still carved out time to celebrate 37 years of marriage!

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“Out to dinner!”

Yes, just as they did from the very start. They have always loved the cozy, quiet, candlelit tables with soft music. Just the two of them.

“And we did it again this year!”

The atmosphere of the restaurant gives perfect opportunity for talking together. For sharing. And what has been shared down through the years has now become so vast, it would be difficult to compile a list of topics!

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“We could even admit that now all we have to do is stare into each other’s eyes, and communication is complete!”

They pretty much know what each other is thinking.

The Ludvigson Lace Lady has been so blessed with Tim. Sometimes she just has to get the Kleenex box out and let the tears flow. She becomes overwhelmed with how good God has been.

“He has been by my side through the good and the bad. Through difficult circumstances, Tim as been sure and strong. Like a rod of steel. And as for fun times, we have laughed through many, together.”

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Sometimes the laughter is a nightime regular. And quite possibly a nuisance to the neighbors!

I can’t help it! Tim is so funny!”

Let’s see. If a list could be compiled:

•Major Job Changes •Pizza Parties Times  Friends Times Encore •Sweeping Moves Across the USA Times Three •Neighborhood Block Parties • Emergency Room Visits Times All Members of the Ludvigson Family •Symphony Concerts •Wedding Diamond Lost

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•Infertility and Adoption Times Four •4th of July Mega Picnics •Diabetes Discovery  •Camping in Colorado •Diabetes Low Blood Sugar Times Many ER Personnel •Disney World •Pneumonia Times Three – Simultaneously •Broken Wrist •Ludvigson Lawn Service – Spring Care •Playing Canadian Brass Music •Car Accidents •Homeschool High School Graduation Programs •Meningitis Emergency

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•Ludvigson Lawn Service – Summer Care •Smashed Thumb Emergency •Hymns for Him •Homeschool Rivalry Medical Emergencies •Blue Grass by Hymns for Him •Back Surgeries •Ludvigson Lawn Service –  Autumn Care •Ludvigson Lawn Service – Winter Care •Saxon Math •Mille Lacs Lake •WBLA •Ludvigson Boys Videorama  •Ect…

“Oh! Please stop! TMI! And this is just a drop in the bucket. No wonder we just stare into each other’s eyes in the candlelight!”

There is no way to contain the experiences through the years. Many times the major ordeals do not hold as much value as the minor momentous particulars of a day.

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It all carries significance. Every single moment. And when the Ludvigson Lace Lady slows life down enough to reminisce, that is when the tears start to flow. She knows there is no way Tim and she could have survived their married life alone.

“Without our Significant One (God) the whole thing would have crumbled. Marriage. Family. Life. Crumbled.”

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Life is Lovelier with Lace…

And so, what can I say? To summarize a romantic candlelight dinner to celebrate 37 years in a few words? It makes me think our glistening eyes would look more like two deer in the headlights!

There is more than we can say. And there is One Who is More than we can understand, regarding His love and care for us.

In the years ahead, whether our eyes resemble romance remembrance or the deer in the headlights, Tim and I will know Who is with us every step of every day.

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And so we continue on to year thirty-eight.

But how does my lace crochet play into this memory recall? Oh my! Without the hook and the thread to slow me down, I would not remember anything! Crocheting is so very soothing. It creates a time to reflect.

So yes, I will continue crocheting – and reflecting –  as I move on into another year with my Tim ♡.

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On to ~ 38 ~ with Tim and my Hook,

Debbie Ludvigson 

The Ludvigson Lace Lady 

LUDVIGSON LACE ♡ Aftcra 

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Life is Lovelier with Lace. . .and the Male Delivery

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Our move to Arkansas from Minnesota was initially defined as for change of occupation. Tim had resigned from over 10 years in Sears retail and I was working for an insurance company in downtown St. Paul.

The dual occupation we endeavored together at this point was with a ministry focus. We were excited to begin using our energies to encourage The Family. Marriages, specifically. Since only wedded five years at this point, we were great candidates for FamilyLife staff: we were still in the magical newlywed mode, but we were also aware of its feisty reality.

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Even before the moving truck had been loaded in St. Paul and unloaded in Little Rock, Tim and I knew part of our southern adventure would be prolife involvement, in the name of Bethany Christian Services. 

Our hearts had already been prepared for passionate involvement. The combination of the heartbreaking discovery of our infertility and a first-time comprehension of abortion defined, created an energy within us to do something. We did not know what that would be, but it would be something .

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Pinnacle Mountain – Little Rock, AR

That something was first of all Bethany Christian Services  (BCS) foster care. And soon after that, adoption.

BCS foster care and adoption process was a wonderful experience for Tim and me. We were privileged to work with the finest of social workers. As counselors to the infertile couples and the birthmoms, they brought comfort. As advocates for the the unborn, they were resolved to see the end of abortion.

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Northwest Arkansas

Wading through paperwork was a necessary discomfort in the application process. But truly strengthened our resolve in the pursuit. For both foster care and adoption.

The foster care program for us meant caring for each newborn baby only until the adoption process was legally completed and the baby could be delivered  into the arms of the adopting parents.

We were preparing to keep each baby in our home for an average of two weeks. “That is how long it usually takes,” our BCS social worker shared with us.

After we were approved, we began to create the baby room in our little apartment home, for each and every short term love affair with each and every sweet newborn foster baby assigned to us. In the end, we had all that any baby would need! Crib. Changing table. Rocking chair. Drawers full of newborn sleepers. Onesies. Clothes in hues of pink, blue, yellow, green, purple and all the colors of the rainbow.

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Foster Baby joy

Also, I found – in one volume book – a library of baby information! In this large resource we had all the answers for any question regarding our babies to come!
We were ready!

At first, there was no foster care needed. More waiting. Something Tim and I had already grown accustom to. Then, the phone rang! We were to receive our first baby! We were to go directly to the hospital, and bring her home.

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Foster Baby Joy 

“Bring an outfit. She will be in a hospital gown,” our social worker informed us.

She was so tiny. “5 1/2 pounds,” the hospital staff claimed, as they laid her in our arms.

Tim and I placed her in the car seat, and cautiously drove home. Her crib awaited her. Diapers galore. Drawers of clothes…

But the rocking chair was my favorite. I rocked her, and rocked her. And then I rocked her some more.  Praying for her and singing to her as the rocking chair ruts grew deep into the carpet.

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Foster Baby Joy ♡ One Year Old! 

“Only temporarily in my arms, sweet baby. You will be with your Forever Family soon.” I lovingly reminded both her and me. “I will give you all of my Mommy’s love until then.” And then, I followed with a silent warning to myself, “Only two weeks, Debbie.”

Two weeks turned into more. “There was a legality. It will take a bit longer. Will you continue caring for her?” 

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Foster Baby Joy 

“Oh, my! I get to hold you in my arms a little longer,” I silently whispered to her. I loved her. I prayed for her. And her Forever Family. “All is in God’s Sovereign hands.” 

After many, many weeks and after all legal issues were ironed out, this precious foster baby’s Adoption Ceremony was held in the BCS office, a special adoption suite. We lovingly referred to this suite as the Adoption Hospital. 

“No less joy-filled pain in delivery here, than the other hospital delivery room,” Tim and I decided.

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Foster Baby Joy ♡ One Year Old!

The simultaneous joy and pain in this adoption hospital was not the usual physical pain of childbirth, followed by the joy of a baby’s cry of the first breath of life outside the womb.

But it was the emotional joy and pain, mixed into one pot, which ultimately brings to a baby a loving plan of life. Somehow the birth parent, the adoptive parent, the foster parent and the social workers have been straining through a kind of labor pain, to bring this life plan to birth. And this all happened in the adoption hospital.

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Foster Baby Joy 

Tim and I were happy for the adoptive couple. And sad for the baby’s difficult transition. But happy for the baby’s ultimate Forever Family. Happy for the BCS staff for the adoptive plan fulfilled. Sad for the same staff that walked through the grief with the birthmother. Sad for the grieving we were about to experience as long term foster parents.

All in all, how very helpful to observe all the love given for the sake of one baby. And we knew all this was soon to happen again to us. With one difference: we would be acting a different role. We would be the adoptive parents.

Yes, our own adoption file had recently been activated!

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The Ludvigson Boys 

One question required in the adoption application process for Tim and me to answer was, “Would you want a girl or a boy?”

 No hesitation in our response! After the agony of infertility. After  comprehending the injustice of abortion, the answer was simply, “Either, and/or both!

With a smile under my breath, my unstated desire was twins. I had their names picked out. But how did we know what would be best for us? “That is something only God knows.” A learning curve learned through our infertily struggle.

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The Ludvigson Boys 

We knew now that any life was perfect for us! Boy!  Girl! Twin boys! Twin girls! Twin boy and girl! And beyond!

And so how blessed Tim and I were to receive our own adoption call only a few months after our foster baby and her adoptive parents had received theirs!

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The Ludvigson Boys 

On that wonderful day, emotional overflow, once again! Of course, exceedingly happy for ourselves! But grieving for another. Our baby boy had also been in short term foster care , and as foster parents, we knew there would be a sense of loss for them.

 Most certainly we knew of grieving loss felt by the precious birthmom.  And my our hearts broke for her.

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The Ludvigson Boys

This scenerio has been played out in Tim’s and my life even three more times. Exuding joy beyond imagination. But also the grieving loss felt by their birthmoms. Grief and joy, simultaneously. Bittersweet. But good.

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The Ludvigson Boys

Good, because life is always good. It’s an easy choice, really. Life. It is good.

Now for the grand finale: “Boy or girl?” asked the Bethany staff each and every time. “Either, and/or both,” our answer each time remained.

Yes, God’s choice for Tim and me, “Boy!” “Boy!” “Boy!””Boy!”

Male Delivery each time! And yours truly has been living as Queen, in a House of Males!

Life is Lovelier with Lace. . . 

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The Ludvigson Boys 

How do you exist in an all – male environment? For a time, I thought I should make myself fit more into their mold. Male stuff ruled! Even in decorating my livingroom!

But I began to rethink, “No! these young men need to see the girliness of life too!”

So, I brought out my lace… and made more!

With the loveliness of lace all around them, each one has proven to  man-euver quite well!

Still man-euvering through my lace,

Debbie Ludvigson

The Ludvigson Lace Lady 

LUDVIGSON LACE ♡ Aftcra 

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Click here:

My Shop: http://www.aftcra.com/ludvigsonlace

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@LudvigsonLaceAftcra @LudvigsonLaceLadyBlog

My Blog: https://ludvigsonlace.wordpress.com

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Life is Lovelier With Lace…and adopting Four Baby Boys!

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Baby Joy was truly my ‘joy of life.’ After she was gone, I was aimless. Sure, I had “things”to do, to fill my day. But if I was not a mom, what was I?

I was learning, through saying good bye to Joy, that children are only given to us on loan. They all really belong to God, our Heavenly Father. We have them today, in this moment. As He has chosen. We must love them wisely each step of the way, day by day. For as many days we have with them.

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Only five months later God’s Sovereign plan was placed in Tim’s and my arms once again – beautiful baby boy! Only this time, we were the the Mom and Dad by adoption, not the foster parents. This baby would bear our last name and we would parent him all the way through to his adult life.

“And I know, God. He is Yours. Just as Baby Joy was Yours, this one is Yours, also. I hold on to Your Hand, to hold on to his hand, for one day. For two days. One year. Ten years. To his adult life. To the end of his or my life. He’s Yours, Heavenly Father. And thank you so much for allowing Tim and me this awesome privilege.”

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Not a day went by that I did not recognize this partnership with God.

To our wonder of wonders, after the adoption of our first treasured little boy, there came another. And after a few years, another. And…yes! ANOTHER! That equals four. Four boys! Each baby boy was a separate treasure. Adorable as could be. Loved at birth by their birthmoms. Lovingly placed in our arms with unsupassing, courageous  love. Nothing can compare to the love displayed by each of the birthmoms of our adopted babies boys.

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It is somewhat a picture of the Love of God, giving His Son for us.

And this I knew I would never forget. And I never have forgotton.

I suppose it was learned during those agonizing years of infertility. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And while waiting, learning to surrender  my ‘right’ to be a mom.

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And what an adventure ‘mothering my children’ has been. And not over. Bumps. Bruises. Happy times. Hard times. Just as life is for all! Life has joy, and pain, for all of us. Whether we realize it or not.

Some days are more difficult than others. But God says He will never give us more than we can handle. Never is this so true as when parenting lives who have individual ideas. Not carbon copies of mine! So, how do I know what each child needs? God promises that He will always be by our side, to give wisdom for each unknown.

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So why be anxious? ☺😊😯😐

It’s a daily walk. A daily adventure. A step at a time.

For each step,  Tim and I continue to hold on to His hand while we hold onto each of our sons hands.

As adults, our ‘baby boys’ are enjoying all that goes with it: freedom, with responsibility. And we stand guard. We must give them the freedom to choose. Loving.Watching. Waiting.

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Ever trusting In The One Who Promises To Never Leave My Side, Or Theirs.

I recall every single day,  “They are Yours, Heavenly Father. As You lead Tim and me in loving them, we will love them. And we thank you for entrusting them to us.”

Life is Lovelier With Lace…

Through each and every ‘life bump’ as a Mom, I have found solace in taking time to ‘make lace.’ There was a short time, though – while diapering and folding tiny boy outfits fresh out of the dryer, cutting apples into pealed quarters, reading Donald Duck/Mickey Mouse/Goofy until I fall asleep, instead of them – then, I did not crochet lace.

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But, you know? I didn’t need the solace of the ‘needle’ then. I was either completely content without lace crochet…or I was completely exhausted! Probably a little of each!

~ Debbie Ludvigson

The Ludvigson Lace Lady

LUDVIGSON LACE ♡ Aftcra

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Life is Lovelier With Lace…and Baby Joy!


One of the ‘larger than life’ bumps in my life was infertility. Wow. I actually said that without choking it out: Infertility.

Tim and I were married for one year, and like ‘magic dust’ sprinkled upon me, I suddenly wanted a baby! Never thought too much about this before, but now the thought consumed me!

 

Tim’s response was more like, “Where did this come from?” A baby? He did not think so. Not yet. Too early. No money. Let’s  wait a year. So we did.

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The day after one year I stated, “Ok. It’s time. Let’s get to it!” And…shall I say, we did! And we thought, “There. Done. We should probably start painting the nursery.”

 

To make a heart wrenching story short, we waited five years before doing heavy duty infertility  research. And with the help of very dear friends and an OBGYN physician that tops all, I discovered I had endometriosis. “Well, we will just get rid of that!” I retorted. So with surgery and followup drugs, we dutifully carried on with the process to prepare for that inevitable baby in the Ludvigson crib.FB_IMG_1500684808563

This newlywed bride was now entering her sixth year of marriage, with no baby in her arms. All my married friends were having their babies. And I had baby showers  galore to attend. I would dutifully attend, with an engaging smile on my face. Then upon my return home, I would privately gush out my agony. Too painful. Totally unbearable.

And then, along came Joy. As in ‘Baby Joy.’ We were privileged to be Baby Joy’s foster mom and dad, until Baby Joy was adopted. The agency said, “Probably two weeks. She will most likely be with her Forever Family by then.” Until then it was our responsibility to love on her like a mommy and a daddy.

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Oh, what joy she brought to Tim and me! Countless stories could be shared here of the fun we had!

The two weeks came and went. And the months turned into one year. And of course this sweet, adorable one year old would have the best birthday party we could give her!

 

Complete with balloons and presents and a room of people who loved on her, along with Tim and me.

Legalities of adoption were the cause of delay. But we were the beneficiaries of that delay. She truly brought insurmountable JOY to us.

 

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When the day finally came for Joy’s adoption, we were happy for the adopted couple. They were getting a gem, for sure.

We went home and wept. I weep now in remembrance. That is part of the process. We knew. But she would always be in our hearts, as our baby for 13 months.

 

Would you believe that it was just June of this year that we were reacquainted with this young lady! With the help of social media, we are back in touch. Joy of joys! Our forever foster baby of thirteen months has grown up to be STILL the most precious, gorgeous girl -now a grown women. That smile! Unmistakeably our Baby Joy. That was her smile then, and that is her smile now.

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Life is Lovelier With Lace…

How do you think I was able to go THROUGH that grieving time, when Baby Joy was suddenly not there. Hook in hand, the Ludvigson Lace Lady crocheted lace, upon lace, upon lace. It really works. My ‘Lace Counselor’ works. I am sure I will crochet lace to my dying day.

~ Debbie Ludvigson, The Ludvigson Lace Lady

LUDVIGSON LACE ♡ Aftcra

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